An Enigmatic Clarification

A COMPARISON-CONTRAST
Psejhan

For two years now, she’s been crushing on this boy. Today, he would finally find out about her big secret. She wondered… wondered what he would think, what he would do, and how he would react. He probable won’t like her back, but that won’t matter much to her. It was an infatuation, not a commitment of love. All she really cared about was to be free from the secret. Actually, if he told her bluntly that he didn’t like her, she would be glad. If he’d be frank, everything will be brutally clear but the big picture will be easier—less complicated. Perhaps euphoria would fill her if he felt the same, but a simple “no” would be the second best. She knows how to appreciate honesty: to hell with going around in circles for the sake of being polite. Beating around the bush has never birthed anything better than a mess. Also, the word “no” is like a green light for her to move on and find a new crush.

So she sucked in all the air her lungs could possible carry and strutted away. She was hopeful… hopeful she’ll get a clearer hold on things.

He didn’t expect this. It came as such a surprise. He never thought that she, of all the girls, liked him. Instantly, a flashback played back in his mind. It was his own experience in confessing… It was painful enough for him to confess (it was hard to muster so much courage) and it was another to be rejected and worse; be avoided. He wouldn’t dare do it. How could he be so heartless? How could he hurt someone so innocent? The old feelings of rejection crept up his spine like a tarantula. She wasn’t his type but… the look on her face… it had too much, hope. She actually looked pretty like that with her eyes wide with anticipation, her lower lip acting as her own pacifier, and her cheeks blushing profusely. But he had a different girl in mind.

He couldn’t forget the past. The way he silently vowed to himself. Heaven knows that he didn’t ever want to crush anyone the way he had been crushed. It was tragic when his beloved started to avoid him after the incident—he won’t be like her. If ever he was forced into a situation, he won’t lie, but right now he had to play the “friendly” card. No, he didn’t want to crush her, not anyone. “Thank you,” he said with a slight bob of his head. “I’m so touched,” he told her grinning like a fool.
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For the next month, she didn’t know what to think. She never felt relief since that day. All she felt was confusion and anger towards the ambiguous state. Her excruciatingly vague state bit her cheeks numb of the tears passing by it some nights. She was tempted to direct all her negative emotions at him. She somehow felt he wasn’t interested but the back of her mind kept her in a breath of false hope. What was she supposed to do? Pretend like nothing happened? Pretend that she never told him? What’s up with, “I’m so touched”, right? Did she touch his ego and caused it to bloat? She was sidestepped and left in the dark to figure out the foreign signals on her own. She had to get a reaction from him—a reaction strong enough to end her woes.

He really didn’t care. She was just, after all, just another girl going gaga for him. Nothing new. He was nice to her though. Polite conversations, and friendly smiles and they passed the corridors just like how they did a month ago, when he hadn’t known yet.

A lot changed one day, when she had been fully determined to get a reaction. She told him a story about her and her former best friend who was in love with her. As she told the story, he thought she was in love with her best friend but turns out she wasn’t. He was deeply bothered. Did that mean that she still liked him a lot? Is she really serious about what she told him? Did he give her the wrong impression? Was she assuming that he liked her back? Thus, the boy started avoiding her, unsure of what to do.
* * *
The girl finally got over him. She finally got the reaction she deserved… avoidance! That word couldn’t possibly be any sweeter! Now, a month had passed and she was happy and contented where she was. Free of restraint and free of her monogamous tendencies.

The boy realized, after missing out on her, the truth. He had once been blinded by another, but he was in love with her. But, it was all too late to change anything. Too pathetic to do anything… his chance had passed him by.

The minute she was over him, he had only started to get into her. They were opposites… they could have fit together like a puzzle, but the timing was all wrong.

This is how a male teen’s mind works; adversely to a female teen’s. Ours, the female’s, is more advanced.